Clockwork Empires: Earliest Access FAQ

Some questions and comments about tomorrow’s Earliest Access launch:

Q. “When will builds go out?”
A. “Roughly 10AM PST.”

Q. “The game crashed, broke, or otherwise did a terrible and monstrous thing. It is now sitting in my living room and hogging the couch, throwing empty beer cans at the cat. It has given me Ghost Neck, and many other diseases that we read about on your blog. What do I do? Who do I complain to?”
A. “If you want to submit the bug quickly and get back into the game, your best bet is the support form, which can (as of some time this evening) be found at  Our forums also have a list of known bugs and we regularly check for new ones at

Q. “Is there OS X or Linux support?”
A. “Not for Earliest Access, no. We have unpolished, internal ports that are not ready for prime-time. We hope to have this up for the first or second incarnation of Steam Early Access in August.”

Q. “What’s the ETA on save games?”
A. “Save games have a critical bug in them right now, which we are still hunting down. Micah has not moved from his desk for the past one hundred and sixty-eight hours and has now grown some kind of third eye in the middle of his forehead. Expect these to show up next week.”

Q. “In the eight hours since you invented it, Earliest Access has ruined PC Gaming forever! What IS THIS THING?! How do we know what to expect, and where should we go to understand what we’re buying?”
A. “An enormous project status page, clearly outlining all the work we have done in the past two-and-a-half years as well as the expected roadmap for everything going forward, can be found here.”

Q. “What are testers saying about the current state of the game?”
A. “The earliest build is best described as an occult cabbage-farming simulator with fishpeople.”

Q. “Are you fishpeople?”
A. “Blup. I mean, no.”

Posted in Clockwork Empires | Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

19 Responses to “Clockwork Empires: Earliest Access FAQ”

  1. DrSleepless says:


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  2. DrSleepless says:

    Also the link to the development blong is screwy…

    Should be


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  3. Walltar says:

    Hmm interesting … for the penultimate qeustion; Is it occult simulator or are we going to be growing occult cabbages? Also does occult cabbage stew taste any good?

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  4. Skyknight says:

    Now if I could just figure out how to determine whether what I have (Intel B980) is equivalent to Intel i5 or not…Where does one have to look for such gauging? I find comparisons to SPECIFIC i5s, yes, but not whether it could be deemed an honorary i5 or not. (And then there’s finding out which version of Open GL I can use…That should be somewhat simpler, though.)

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    • Skyknight says:

      {whine} I’m apparently stuck at 3.1…Is it so much to ask a laptop from 12/12 (Satellite C855-S5350) to stay viable in everything for at least four years?

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      • Digglemaster says:

        Yes. A laptops update lifetime is about 3 years unless you spend $2000 or more in which case 4-6 years. This is approximate and based on AAA titles.

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  5. Jakethesnake says:

    Your tags say that you are hiring a diggle to hold up an arrow. Where do I apply for this job?

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  6. Ghin says:

    I remember a wonderful bug early in Dredmor where I loaded a savegame and my character would randomly teleport into walls every turn. I find myself wondering what horrifying, disease ridden bugs I will be encountering Friday. Maybe I’ll wake up with mechanical limbs? I guess I’ll keep a doctor and a thaumaturgeon on speed dial.

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  7. Wouter van Atteveldt says:

    Shame about the postponed linux build (but understandable). Has anyone tested in Wine? Quite a lot of windows games run just fine in Wine….

    (also, occult cabbage stew in wine sounds delicious!)

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  8. Bropocalypse says:

    Suddenly the Empire collapses.

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  9. Pertusaria says:

    “please call the nintendo hint hotline where they will be no use to you at all but they are very lonely and would like to hear the sound of a human voice”

    Made me smile; I man a public inquiries phone / email by day. I may steal this to stick near my office phone. 🙂

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  10. Ruigi says:

    hey! can we get a link to the artwork used as the graphic for this update? thanks.

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